[uh-spar-uh-guh s]
any plant of the genus Asparagus, of the lily family, especially A. officianalis, cultivated for its edible shoots.
the shoots, eaten as a vegetable.
a small plant containing small amounts of the devil himself. just enough devil to get inside you. if you have some amount of goodness in you, you can find a way to rid yourself of devil and other non-nutritious parts of asparagus as bodily fluids and excrement. however, be advised, you must turn on vent in bathroom and pinch nose during devil-extraction process as devil extraction is rancid and trace amounts of devil can make their way back into you and those around you via nostrils. note: goodness of asparagus wrapped in bacon can sometimes outweigh badness of having devil parts inside you.

Oh come on…you know you have thought all of this before.