An excerpt from today’s unwritten and unsaid journal entry (meaning, the journal in my brain, when I think). I think this summarizes some feelings and realizations after around 15 years of marriage. Only shared here in case it helps others realize what it is they have.
She generally feels uncomfortable when she is underdressed and when she is overdressed. But if anything, she feels more uncomfortable when she is overdressed.
Sometimes, I may not like it, but I love that about her.
I generally don’t feel uncomfortable when I am underdressed nor when I am overdressed. But if anything, I feel more uncomfortable when I am underdressed.
Sometimes she may not like it, but I think she loves that about me.
And I love that difference about us. It exemplifies why we fit so well together, why we make a great team, and why we need each other.
If I can continue to respect and admire her uncomfortableness, even when I don’t want her to be uncomfortable, or think she should be, or think it is healthy. And if I can continue to respect and appreciate how this state of being helps me. And if I can trust that she’ll always know my state of being helps her, regardless of how she feels about it as well. Well, that’s an almost an incomprehensible beauty. One you cannot directly sense in any way. Just immensely beautiful. One that hangs in the balance at all times. What a delicate balance it is. And that delicate balance is, it seems, where the most beautiful things reside.